As I sit down to write this, I cannot help but acknowledge the time and space we are in as we head into the holiday season. While we aspire to make this time of year a joyous and celebratory time, for many of us, it is fraught with chaotic schedules, financial stress and an overwhelming amount of pressure. If you find yourself absolutely stretched between the endless demands that are both internally and externally placed upon you, I am writing this one for you.
One of the most powerful skills that I teach and practice in my work and life as a therapist, is something borrowed from EMDR—”THE CONTAINER”. This is not the same as suppressing feelings and distress; our goal is not to bury these burdens and forget about them (otherwise the exercise would be called “the trash can”). We are simply giving ourself some agency in choosing what can be temporarily put on the back burner, or “in the waiting room” until we can attend to it. Below, I have outlined a brief version of this exercise in hopes that it might support you in times of need.
Lets Try It
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- Allow yourself to find a comfortable position and see if you can bring to mind an image of a container or vessel. This is a temporary holding space that allows you to place things into it, and take them out with intention. Something capable of holding all of the pieces in life that feel too large to manage in the moment (but often come swooping in and take centre stage)
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- Be creative, see if you can indulge in the details. You might ask: What is it made of? What is it lined with? What kind of lock does it have? Where does it live?
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- Give you container a cue word
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- Imagine how you might use your container to hold all of the challenges or distress that you don’t have space for in a given moment (i.e. you might imagine shrinking each problem down and placing it into your container).
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- Now, let’s test it to make sure it works! Think of something that is mildly distressing. We’re not picking up a 10 lb weight here but aiming for a good 5 lb weight. An example might be, “having to call your child’s teacher when you get home because your son is being disruptive in class” (TIP–this is something you can’t attend to in this moment, but it is weighing on you).
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- Once you bring your distressing event to mind, see if you can cue up your container and allow yourself to gently place the event inside. Not pushing it away, but acknowledging that you do not have the space or ability to attend to it right now, and will revisit it when you can devote more time and care.
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- Lastly, reflect. Did you notice any positive shifts? It’s ok if you didn’t, these things take time and practice. You might need to try crafting a different container, something that is connected to a positive space/thing in your life (i.e. maybe your container floats in the sky, above your favourite beach)
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- Keep practicing with smaller challenges so that you can strengthen this resource and be able to lean on it a little over this holiday season.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, when your laundry list is already overwhelming. I am thinking of all you women–mothers, sisters, daughters, partners and sending compassion your way!